Welcome to the Minors

Let the witchhunt begin.

Bud Selig, in all his senile wisdom, has opened an official investigation into the use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs in baseball. After turning a blind eye for over a decade to major leaguers blowing up like they had allergic reactions to shellfish, Selig is trying to right his wrongs by launching a league-wide search for dopers.

I've never been a fan of Selig and the programs he's brought to baseball, there's no doubt about that. Interleague play is an abomination in my opinion, and thought it helped the Sox win their World Series in 2004, the Wild Card makes MLB just a little too much like NFL.

But I gotta say, I'm on the fence about this investigation. Depending on how this plays out over the season, I could go either way.

First off, I highly doubt this formal investigation will reveal much more than the usual hearsay and baseless accusations that we've been faced with since Steroids became a household name in the majors. Unless they plan to use different methods of testing besides urine, which has shown to be insufficient against today's designer drugs, and develop NEW methods that can detect the ever-changing cocktails of performance enhancers, they ain't gonna find shit.

They've also opened up the floor to EVERYONE who has information about players that have used. Not reliable sources, not trainers, not owners, EVERYONE. By the time their committee weeds through the hundreds of thousands of responses they're going to get, ranging from ex-mistresses to some slackjawed local that thought he saw a syringe in someone's trash can, its gonna be the year 2025. People are going to come out of the woodwork to finger these big leaguers they resent for being millionaires.

But what I'm afraid of mostly is this investigation will out so many big-name stars, the league will lose its big talent, its main draw. People love the longball, and that just may be going the way of the Dodo as more people get fingered and busted.

I'm afraid baseball may fall into a serious doldrum of fans, attendance dropping league-wide as more fans get disgusted as more members of their favorite team are booted out of the league for doping. Hell, I know how upset I'd be if I heard Manny or Big Papi were artificial.

With such a potential drop-off in fanbase, who's to say we don't get another strike year? Owners can't pay salaries if fans don't come to the stadiums. Are we on the verge of another NHL fiasco, with an entire season on the chopping block?

And who's going to bring their kids to games to watch a bunch of cheaters earn millions? With no heroes to adore, there's no kids to form the next generation of fans. With no fans, the game is in serious jeopardy, for possibly many years to come.

But there could be a good side to all this. I've always looked for the silver lining in things, and I'm not about to stop now, especially when it comes to my favorite sport.

Maybe a sudden purge in these all-star big guns will be good for the game. With these monster mashers out of the picture, these artificially-enhanced players out of the game, an influx of real talent is inevitable. We'll get to see those college kids and minor leaguers who have genuine talent, but never made it before because dopers already had their spot in the bigs.

Sure, team offense may no longer rest on the backs of a 40-dinger-a-year player, and come moreso from opponent errors and small-ball tactics, but that's what baseball started out as. That's more to the true nature of the game. Outsmart and outplay the other team, not simply outcrushtheball them.

I may be the only guy in the stands when the stars are gone. I may be the only guy in the stadium who still plunked down his hard-earned cash for a jersey with a name no one recognizes on the back. But I'll still be fan.

Maybe this latest fiasco by Selig will be exactly what everyone's expecting it to be: a disaster, a smokescreen, a sham of an investigation. Too little too late from the man who did nothing to discourage the use of illegal substances as long as the homers were flying and the fans were cheering.

But maybe this is just what baseball needs. Maybe this will finally even the playing field, giving the small teams and players alike a fighting chance to show us what they've got.

Maybe. Maybe.

Rock'em Sock'em

I've never cared much for Julian Tavarez, a journeyman relief pitcher that's older than Bud Selig himself, but he REALLY hit the bottom of the barrel for me today.

While pitching an Spring Training game (for my beloved Red Sox, nonetheless), Tavarez was covering home when Joey Gathright attempted to score. A close play at the plate resulted in a hard Gathright slide into Tavarez, one which the ugliest man in baseball must have taken offense to. Tavarez stood on Gathright's arm so he couldn't get up. Gathright pushed him off, got to his knees, and caught a vicious right hook from Tavarez! While still on his knees!

Needless to say, a bench-clearing brawl ensued, and God I hope Tavarez caught a few extra punches, got bit, hit in his jewels, something. He's only been a Red Sox for Spring Training, and I sincerely hope that's as far as his tenure with Boston lasts. I fully understand the need to stand up for yourself, but Tavarez, a known hot-head, crossed a major line when he punched Gathright.

Now, I don't have all the details behind the whole incident (though I'm sure it will be covered extensively on SportsCenter tonight), I can't imagine there's ANY good reason to haul off and sock a guy who's barely off his knees. I don't want to see a guy with an attitude like that in the majors period, much less on my favorite team.

Theo, we're good on pitching. Traded away a great young thrower last week we're so stacked.

Do we really need this troublemaker?

Okay, I just may have to NEVER fill out an NCAA Tourney bracket again. And unfortunately, its not because I'm doing so well, there's nothing left for me to conquer. Nope, just the opposite: I managed to pick a grand total of ZERO Final Four teams. Not a one. Zilch. If Red Marker Cross Out was a team, then sure, I won big. But that ain't the case.

In fact, I did so poorly, I'm offering my unique team-jinxing services to the public. That's right, I'm a fan for hire. Or, Anti-Fan as it were. No matter which team I've rooted for in this year's tourney, they've lost. Syracuse didn't make it out of the first round. BC lost a heartbreaker to 'Nova. UNC fell to this year's Cinderella, George Mason. And the team I picked to win it all, Gonzaga, was reduced to a blubbering heap at center court by UCLA.

So its time for you, Joe Fan, to put my talents to work for YOU. Highest bidder gets me to root for the team of your choice. I'm so confident they'll lose, I'm offering a money-back guarantee. Look for me on eBay soon ...

Go Lady Terps! The Maryland women edged out Utah in OT to advance to their first Final Four in 17 years. Where I'm tempted to go see them when they're here in Boston, I'm afraid that NCAA tourney jinx of mine may extend to women's hoops, too.

Plus, its women's hoops. Sorry.

My Bracket's been Shaq'ed

March Madness is in full swing, with some major upsets and unexpected outcomes rocking brackets nationwide. I think I’m back to loving this time of year again.

My bracket is dead to me now, with both of my final teams (Gonzaga and Ohio) out of the tourney. In fact, the only teams I have left are Texas, Memphis and BC. And BC hasn’t played their Sweet 16 game yet.

Seeing Duke go down was sweet, even though I didn’t think they’d make it to the Final Four anyway. They petered out at the end of the regular season, dropping their final two games to division foes UNC and Florida State. What struck me as funny is that while some experts were pointing out that Duke (or more specifically, Redick) may be running out of steam, they also had them in their Final Four picks.

Regardless, they didn’t make it. And Redick, probably one of the most loved (by Duke fans) and hated (by everyone else) ACC players in history, finishes off his collegiate career with exactly ZERO national titles. Sweet.

So who to root for since the Zags are gone? As I am prone to doing, I made another mistake in my post yesterday, claiming that the only ACC team left to root for was Duke. Beings that I now live in Boston, there’s little excuse for me overlooking BC’s run in this tournament. However, since they just joined the ACC this season, I think I deserve a pass on that goof. So, Go BC! (What’s their mascot again?)

I hope LSU mania doesn’t sweep the nation now, though. While I’m probably more excited than the next guy about their upset of Duke, I get a little annoyed by those “area affected by tragedy” rooting trends. Sure, Hurricane Katrina was devastating to New Orleans and other areas in Louisiana, but don’t let that be your reason for pulling for LSU. LSU winning the tourney won’t help the region recover from the turmoil. Let’s keep our heads on straight, please.

I hate to harp on the Barry Bonds thing (well, that’s not entirely true, its kinda fun), but he just makes it so easy sometimes.

Turns out that the suit he has filed against the authors and publishers of “Game of Shadows” is not a libel case at all. Instead, Bonds is suing because the authors used illegally obtained grand jury transcripts.

How does this move not simply crush the Bonds PR movement? For years now, Bonds has vehemently denied using any time of performance-enhancing drug. Now this book comes out that not only fingers him as a steroid user, but outlines his sources, his doping regimen, every drug he ever took, even fellow ballplayers he introduced to the stuff.

So, to maintain his innocence, wouldn’t you expect him to sue for libel, claiming the book is erroneous and portrays him in a negative manner that would negatively, severely negatively, impact his career? Wouldn’t you?

But he didn’t. Bonds took a different approach, suing because the authors used information that was supposed to be privileged. So he’s not claiming the book is wrong, just complaining about how they got their information. That’s shooting yourself in the foot.

Reminds me of those Law & Order reruns I always watch. Police bust into a suspect’s house and find the murder weapon that would easily lead to a conviction. However, clever lawyers deduce an illegal search and seizure makes that murder weapon inadmissible in court, and the criminal walks, usually without ever seeing a jury. Does that make him any less guilty in anyone’s eye, though? Of course not.

And that’s what Bonds is trying to do now, wiggle his steroid-bloated body through that same loophole. Sure, I may be guilty, but you can’t prove it because you’re not supposed to have those documents. See the hypocrisy? The irony? The whateverthefuck that is?

Man, my head hurts.

Parting thought: Am I the only one who didn’t know Dwight Gooden was Gary Sheffield’s uncle? Learn something new every day …

Wide World of Sports

Random thoughts day.

As a football team, what’s the next best step after you dump the most accurate field-goal kicker in NFL history? Yep, you sign the most clutch field-goal kicker in NFL history. Seems the Colts have locked up Vinatieri to a 5-year deal that made him the highest-paid kicker in NFL history. Lot of history in this one transaction, eh? Considering Vanderjagt missed a field goal in the closing seconds of the AFC Championship game last year, I can see why Clutch would be an important word to the Colts for next season.

I’m curious to see how Vinatieri is going to hold up in Indy, though. Here’s a guy that spent his whole career kicking field goals in the brutal weather of New England. Snow, wind, rain, you name it, he’s kicked in it. Now he’s hopping over to the weather-less dome of the Colts? I bet he shanks some very makeable attempts early in the season.

Vanderjagt, meanwhile, has picked up with the Cowboys, one of the more fitting signings this off-season in my opinion. Well, personality-wise, at least. Over the years, the Cowboys have been chock-full of players with attitudes (see Irvin, Michael and Lett, Leon), so why not pick up a kicker who likes to bash his own players? And with a team like the Cowboys around him, he’ll have plenty of ammunition to last all season long.

More ‘roids, please! The big names have started to drop out of that already-infamous Barry Bonds steroid book, but they’re nothing surprising. The latest player to get sucked into the scandal, or sucked back into the scandal as it were, is Yankee right-fielder Gary Sheffield. Not that this is news, since Gary admitted to taking the Cream and Clear already, claiming he didn’t know they were steroids.

Am I the only person who’s offended by such accusations by these big MLB stars? You mean to tell me you took an oral medication when you weren’t 100% sure of its contents? These guys live and die by the performance of their bodies, you can’t tell me they would take such a risk.

And flaxseed oil? This is something that’s supposed to help prevent heart disease and cancer. Didn’t Sheffield and Bonds question why a physical trainer would be giving this to them? Is heart disease and cancer a hot-stove issue around the clubhouse that they wouldn’t question this?

Now rumors are flying that Bonds is going to sue over this book. The specific basis for the suit hasn’t been made public, but it seems they are trying to seize all the profits from sales of the book. Not halt the publication of the book, not demand a retraction for defamation of character, but seize the profits.

Guess Barry isn’t expecting to collect a paycheck from the Giants this year, eh?

The Sweet 16 tips off tonight, and I couldn’t be less interested! I only picked eight of the 16 correctly, only two of my Final Four teams remain, and my pick of OSU in the finals went sour last weekend. I have more red marks on my brackets than a heroin addict’s arm.

At this point, I’m just watching in hopes some underdogs go far and the big seeds fall miserably (hello Duke!). I’m still hoping Gonzaga takes the dance, no matter what some expert columnists say about rooting for your conference when your team is eliminated. Since I’m an ACC guy (frickin’ Terps lost in the FIRST ROUND of the NIT at HOME to MANHATTAN. I will now poke my eye with a stick.), and UNC lost to phenom George Mason, that would mean I’d have to root for Duke to win it all. Duke.

Um, yeah, I don’t think so. Go Zags.