Fashion Cents

Okay, I’m having as close to a “girl moment” as I’m capable of having.

I don’t know what to wear!

I don’t mean what shirt matches my pants or how to accessorize or anything like that. I’m talking about jerseys.

With today’s professional sports being the Big Business that they are, it’s a rare commodity when a star player sticks with one team long enough to warrant throwing down $200-plus for his jersey.

Though I’ve been considering making such an investment lately, I’ve never actually purchased a jersey myself. As a child, I had a replica Boston road jersey that I wore until it evaporated (or I outgrew it, whichever came first). And just two years ago, one of the best Christmas presents ever: Authentic Red Sox Home Jersey, with my favorite number 18 on the back. Added bonus that the number belonged to Johnny Damon, a fan favorite of the 2004 World Series champs. Even had the World Series patch on the arm. It was beautiful.

Now, that beautiful, expensive, pristine jersey hangs all but forgotten in my closet, its eternal purgatory since Judas went to the Dark Side and signed with the Yankees. The only way that thing is seeing the light of day on my back is if the Sox reassign number 18 to a new player. Then I’ll remove the 2004 World Series patch and once again sport the jersey around Fenway, proudly supporting whoever the new No. 18 may be.

But what if that day never comes? What if 18 never steps foot on the field this year? Next? Year after that? I’m sure they’re not going to retire Damon’s digits after only four years of service, but the wounds from his betrayal of the city that idolized Him and His Idiocy are yet too raw to so quickly place his number back in circulation.

So what to do? I considered a jersey from another sport, perhaps my favorite NFL squad, and Super Bowl Champs, the Pittsburgh Steelers. Ah, how I love that Antwaan Randle El! He’s quick, he’s versatile, he’s classy, he’s …

A friggin’ Redskin.

One of the few NFL jerseys I’d consider wearing, and the guy splits before their Super Bowl victory has even cooled off. I guess I should thank him for pulling the trigger so fast and not leaving me with Randle El in Black and Gold when he’s playing for the Red and White next season. But now what? Bettis is another great choice, but again, he’s not coming back next season. And I’m just too small a guy to wear Roethlisberger on my back. That name would stretch from elbow to elbow on me.

I’m too indifferent towards the NBA and NHL, and can’t bring myself to spend a few hundred bucks on a jersey of a player I have no idea about. I mean, this is a big investment here, and I’m not about to piss it away without knowing I’ve picked a winner.

So its back to baseball and the Sox. Can’t get Schilling, despite his World Series heroics, he still doesn’t feel like a Red Sox yet. Varitek has that silly little “C” on his chest. And I’d be surprised if Manny is sporting our jersey by the end of the season. So that brings me to …

Wakefield. Number 49. He’s perfect. My pops and I have followed his career since he came up with the Pirates in 1992. A timeless knuckleballer. An unselfish player, willing to take on any role the team may need him for. Hell, he just signed a deal last year that will keep him in a Sox uniform for as long as he wants.

My wish list has been filled out. I'm done. Its final.

Timmy’s the man.